Decisions, Decisions

Jared gave me permission to write about it, so I’m finally going to write about it.  I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut here on the blog, but Jared’s dreams have been weighing heavily on my mind for a while now, even though I’ve dodged writing about it publicly.

Jared is feeling called to go to seminary.

This decision would change our family forever.

It’s not a new idea; we visited Columbia’s campus for a weekend in early 2010, just before I got sick last time.  For whatever reason, we decided it wasn’t right at the time.  But then we both went on our retreats in March, and, well…here we are again.  More mature, at a better place in our lives as as a family, healthier… here we are again.

There are no reservations about picking our family up and moving ourselves to Decatur for him to be able to go to school.  There are no reservations about parting with our house.  There are no reservations even about the idea that once he graduated, we don’t know where we’d end up.  I think we both trust that all of that would work itself out.  The scary part, quite frankly, is the financial part.  That’s really the only thing that might hold us back, that’s the part that might keep him from deciding to do it at all.

Unfortunately, the fact that I’ve been sick and subsequently have been declared disabled has come at pretty great expense for us.  We’ve accumulated an embarrassing amount of debt over the last couple of years that I haven’t had gainful employment.  It’s getting better now that I’ve qualified for SSDI; we’re not adding to the debt anymore and we’re able to pay down on it in modest amounts at the time.  But, it’s slow-going.

And then there’s the house, which we bought right before the big bubble burst, in late 2007.  We have no idea if we’d be able to sell it for what we owe.  We’re not even looking to get equity, we just would want to get out of it.

If we end up not being able to let him do this, I will feel incredibly guilty all over again, for getting sick.


So, there you go.  The root of my anxiety over this whole seminary thing has absolutely nothing to do with what may come in the future, which would be more appropriate.  My anxiety comes from my guilt over having gotten sick enough to not be able to work.

He’s so talented, my Jared.  I’m sincerely hoping we can work it out for him to be able to do this, however it has to happen.


4 responses to “Decisions, Decisions”

  1. Bills and financial woes can certainly be daunting. But please do not let it overwhelm you. You have already turned things around. Instead of increasing debt, you are now paying it down. It is just a matter of commitment and time now. Don’t get discouraged because it is seems like is going so slowly.

    As for Jared, He sure would be missed at work. He is an incredible asset not only because he is awesome at his job, but also because he has a great positive aura that seems to lighten any room he enters. I believe these same qualities would make him an incredible minister for the church. He would be a true blessing for any church that would be lucky enough to have him.

  2. Please forgive me for this question, but what Denomination are you and Jared? I know each handles Seminaries and callings/postings afterwards very differently.

    Having gone through Seminary myself, it’s a huge step, but the way you talk about how Jared helps you and loves you through everything – he certainly sounds like a Man called of God.

    I know it sounds cliche, but I truly do believe that if God desires it for you, God will help you through it. We’ve been on the Dave Ramsey:FPU program for over six months, and it’s a daily struggle to feed 7 people and pay OFF debt instead of continuing to accumulate. But it’s happening. Slowly…

    • We’re Presbyterian. He’s looking at Columbia in Decatur, though he’s also explored possibilities in Indiana and California. We’ll see what happens. I’ll look into Dave Ramsey. Thanks!

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