Please Pray for My Rock, My Dreamer

My Jared is an amazing man.  When we met, we discovered we had many shared interests, particularly in the study of ecumenical religion.  Those interests are, of course, what drew us together since we lived across the country from one another when we met.  We contemplated and discussed doing many things once we got married:  the Peace Corps, travel to the Middle East, travel to other parts of the world were a few of those dreams we shared.  We dreamed together pretty much constantly.

Then we started dreaming of creating a family together.  That dream became all-consuming and when our little family became a reality, we stepped back from dreaming the other dreams.

And then somewhere along the way, life happened and we stopped dreaming, each of us separately I think, but I know we didn’t dream together anymore.  Life caught up with us in the form of Porter and Liam and we had to stop and do a reality check:  dreamers must be realists when it comes to parenting little children, after all.  Life also caught up with us in the form of my illness and we realized some of my limitations: some were temporary when I was in the depths of my psychosis, but some will be long-term.  Jared took on the role of caregiver for all of us and he made sure I knew I could lean on him in my darkest days.  And, I did lean on him, heavily.  The boys and I had to become by necessity such a focal point in his life that there wasn’t room for his thinking of much else beyond work, I’m fairly certain.

A silent prayer of mine has been answered, though, because Jared has started dreaming again, very old dreams.  I am trying to encourage him to remember that once upon a time, his dream of graduate school was just that, a dream.  He not only found a way to make that happen, even in the face of supporting a young family, he excelled at his program.  Graduate school greatly enriched his professional growth, yes, but it especially affected his personal growth and self-esteem.  If you are of the praying type, please pray that Jared will continue to work on discerning his dreams again.  Sometimes I think Jared only has to speak his dreams and then somehow, he figures out a way to make them a reality.  I think now could be one of those times.

And, please pray for our little family.  If change is ever to be in the air for our family, be it next year or 20 years from now, it could be a hard road because this mommy doesn’t have a history of accepting change gracefully.  I somehow think Porter may be of my temperament in that area, too.  Please pray that knowing transitions can be hard for his family, that the knowledge will not stop Jared from having the courage and stamina to make his dreams a reality.  I am married to a man with unique perspectives and talents, who has tremendous gifts he can share with this world.  I think he may be on the cusp of realizing a life dream, and his dreams are not selfish ones.  This dream of his is a dream that I believe could help make at least a small corner of the world somewhere a more peaceful place.

His dreaming makes me incredibly happy.  He reminds me to dream again, too.


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