Seeing Light

I think the depression may be lifting.

For the second morning in a row, I’ve done some yoga.  For the second morning in a row, I woke up actually wanting to get out of the bed even though it will be a day spent at home.  For the second morning in a row, I’m looking forward to the day.

The only thing that’s really different is that my pdoc gave me permission to up my Viibryd (antidepressant) dose.  It went up a few days ago.  The pdoc said it would be like this…when I found my working dose, it would only take a couple of days for me to feel better.  I hate that it’s the highest dose he’s mentioned thus far, but whatever works is good, I suppose.

So far, it’s not a manic energy.  I don’t feel my mind racing.  I don’t feel like conquering the world.  On my mood scale, I’d say I’m actually a 5.  I feel stable instead of feeling like I’m on that tenuous tightrope that some 5 days give me…like I could fall either way at any moment.  Even better, I do feel like taking care of myself and my family for once.  Taking down the Christmas decorations doesn’t feel like a punishment, nor does any of the other housework that will have to be done today.  I’m actually looking forward to the day with the boys.

I’ve also got a future to look forward to and I see that.  I plan to apply for certified peer specialist training in January.  Who knows if it could lead to a job or not.  If I’m accepted, though, I would learn how to better  help people who are currently dealing with some of the issues I’ve already dealt with, as far as accepting mental illness and learning to deal with the life circumstances that come along with it.  Best of all, I’d be working from the publicly acknowledged place of being a peer, as someone who is also a consumer of mental health services.

It will be a good day.

 


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