Off My Meds = Off My Rocker

It has been a very, very down day.  So here is my favorite picture of Baby Be-Bop and Tinekrbell, to cheer myself up.

J and I figured out that it has probably been since last weekend that I took my Effexor, until today.  I finally told him that I didn’t know where it was this morning.  Turns out it was still in the bag we’d taken with us to the beach.  We think it’s also been at least three days since I took my Abilify.

Did I mention it was a bad day?  It bears repeating.  It’s been one of those days where I moved slowly, not because I hurt anywhere, but because it took an enormous amount of energy.  J stayed home with me (instead of golfing; that’s how much he loves me) and helped me get some things done along with coddling me just the right amount.  My thoughts have been scattered along with the depression, which scares me a tad.  I haven’t been able to focus without J prodding me along.  Par for the course with bipolar disorder, I suppose.  I am getting used to it, at least.  I recognize that there are no concrete problems in my life that cannot be solved and I recognize that there will come a time when I will get to feeling better.  But in the moment, at my worst, I have rage pointed inward at myself that I feel like taking out on myself.  Maybe that’s why I’ve subconsciously avoided my meds all week, maybe I felt like punishing myself, I don’t know.  What I do know is that the meds are not going to do it alone.  J and I are working on a solution to that.

Anyhow, here are a few pictures of my babies that make me happy.  I miss my babies; I will be very, very glad to see them tomorrow!

Baby Be-Bop:

Baby Rock Steady with Mommy:
















First time I got to hold Baby Be-Bop, in the NICU:
Be-Bop on his way to school:

Holding Rock Steady in my own hospital room (a big deal):Be-Bop and Rock Steady exploring our new tent Summer 2010:There.  I feel some better.


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