I don’t need to get ready for bed; I have been in bed all day.
Today was a bad day. It started off bad, oversleeping for Be-Bop’s teacher conference. J has been gracious enough to take care of everything; he always does.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life but I want to be happy. Even aside from the depression from my illness, I don’t feel happiness in my life.
I know what most of you would say: be grateful for what you’ve got: a nice home, a wonderful husband, beautiful children.
But I lack an internal locus that keeps me centered. I don’t make decisions easily, I don’t know what i want. From what to wear to what to do for work, I struggle with every single decision.
I’m a terrible mom. I’m a terrible wife. I’m a terrible friend.
It’s days that make me ponder the meaning of existence. There has to be something more than this.
I suppose there will be something more come Monday; for better or worse; I return to work.