I thought for a long time that there’d never be a day that I didn’t think about it. Now, for better or worse, it rarely crosses my mind. How can something so devastating drift so far away from my thoughts? I suppose it’s proof positive for the second time this week that time does heal.
Tomorrow will be 7 years to the day that we found out I’d had a miscarriage. I was 11 1/2 weeks pregnant.
I will never forget the grim look on the doctor’s face when he delivered the news. Such kindness and empathy. That moment is frozen in time.
As a distraction, Jared and I picked out a hilarious ladybug Halloween costume for Tinkerbell. I just combed the house for that hilarious picture of me with her all dressed up, but looking back I remember you can see the sadness in my eyes so maybe it’s just as well that I couldn’t find it.
On a happier note, as I was looking for the picture I mentioned above, I did find my favorite mommy picture, of Porter and me in our “Porter and Mommy Chair.” The picture was dated September 30, 2006. If memory serves, that was the day Porter came home from the hospital, at 5 1/2 weeks old. I was exhausted but thrilled to have my baby home, finally.
It may sound terrible, but it occurs to me from time to time that if we hadn’t had that miscarriage, we wouldn’t have had our wonderful Porter– less than a year later.