I’m so tired of watching the political discourse on social media, so I think I’m out social-media-wise for the rest of the election season. In fact, if it goes well, I may be out of a couple of modes of social media permanently, post-election season. We’ll see how my psyche fares, going cold-turkey from my lurking habits.
It has not been a good day. Jared and I missed our lunch date and the day went downhill fast in a couple of hours. To be fair, I missed my morning meds this morning. However, this funk should not be so deep if it were contributed to solely missing one dose of my antidepressants.
(PLEASE, nobody ask me if I’ve taken my medicines. I’m tired of hearing it.)
But in general, I feel useless. Positively useless. No job prospects, very few friends. Jared and I rarely have any time to ourselves. Nobody reads this silly blog, especially now that I don’t have it streaming on Facebook. Especially now that I took down the pics that random strangers were ripping from it. And I know they were ripping the photos because I still get searches for those pics here.
I’ve got hobbies that I tire easily from. I am bored with knitting and I don’t feel like taking photos anymore, at least not the ones like I’ve been taking lately.
But hobbies won’t bring in cold, hard cash. And that’s what I want. I want to be a contributing member of this household, not the sole leecher of this household. I’m tired of being on disability; being on disability sucks. I’d give just about anything to be able to go back about 8 years…there’s a lot I’d do differently.
I realize this blog will never bring in money; I suck at networking online as much as I do in real life. But I am so tired of spam commenters. It’s worse than junk mail because just for a moment, for a single moment, I hold out hope when I see those numbers that maybe someone has read what I have to say and has something worthwhile to say about it. Alas, not the case.
I have a husband who is very dear but who refuses to ask for help when we need it. And boy howdy, over the last months have we needed it.
I’m tired of living my life in my little room, cut off from society. But then, society’s never been particularly nice to me, so what should it matter after all?
Life’s just not fair.
