It’s been a rough week.

I had this idyllic picture of what summertime for our household would look like.  Trips to the museum, to the aquarium, to the park, playing at home…it was going to be great.  Then, reality set in.

Reality is that I’m on disability for a reason.  I have days when there is just more to the world than I can handle.  My May so far has been a prime example of the full cycle of my illness…a feeling of well-being so that I take on everything at once, then a crash through which I can handle nothing for days.

So, Liam has been back at his school all week.  The boys will go to daycare this summer at least three days a week, maybe more if I continue feeling the way I feel right now.

My psychiatrist was not happy with me at my last appointment, primarily because we’d stopped my Lithium for a while and now I’m back where I was earlier this Spring.  So, I’m back on Lithium and continuing my Abilify, Viibryd, and Wellbutrin.  Thank God he said that the Trileptal was pointless; I’ve been concerned about being on that the entire time, since I had that stupid rash on my hands when I first started it and there can be complications for people who are allergic to Lamictal, as I am, when you’re on Trileptal.

It’s exhausting, this constant up and down in my head.  Because of where I’m at in my treatment, I’m supposed to be keeping a constant check on my moods and that’s exhausting, too.

I’ve isolated myself for the last few weeks, partly because everyone in the household has been physically sick at some point recently.  But the isolation is also because I’ve been trying to sort everything out and it takes too much energy sometimes to be social and to deal with what’s in my head at the same time.

Here I am again, with the drive to stay in bed all the time and sleep my life away.

M.C., you won the cameo ring!  Check your e-mail for details.

Thank you!

A long time ago, I was incredibly sociable.

A long time ago, I felt like an intelligent person.

A long time ago, I thought friendship lasted forever.

A long time ago, I thought home was a place.

But then…

A long time ago, I falsely thrived on chaos.

A long time ago, I refused to take medicines that make me feel better.

A long time ago, I was very superficial.

A long time ago, I participated in unhealthy relationships.

A long time ago, I thought love had to hurt.

Now I know…

Real love forgives.

Thankfulness is a way of life.

God is real.

Fun fun!  For full requirements, please hit “Continue” to see full post regarding the contest.  I’m holding my first-time ever giveaway today (May 14, 2012) through tomorrow (May 15, 2012)!  To win  the cameo ring pictured above, there are three requirements:

1. You must live in the continental U.S.A. due to shipping limitations.
2. To enter, please comment on the ring on this post!
3. Next, hit the “Contact” link in the upper menu.  Fill out the form by putting “Giveaway Cameo Ring” in the message portion of the form.

Both a public comment on the ring and a valid e-mail address labeled “Giveaway Cameo Ring” via the contact form are required for an entry to count.  Only one entry per person via this method of entry will count.

You can get an extra entry by tweeting or linking back to this page, but the entry will only count if I know about it!  So please, please, send me a link to your Twitter or page where the link is if you choose this extra method.  The second method of entering only counts if you have first entered the original way, by comment and contact entry on Tickle the Sun.

The cut-off for entries will be 6 pm EDT tomorrow, May 15, 2012, and the drawing will be held shortly thereafter on the same evening.  The winner’s initials will be posted on this site and the winner will be notified via e-mail before 11 pm EDT on Tuesday, May 15.

There is only one ring available for giveaway, so as such, there will only be one winner.  The winner will be chosen via random.org’s “Third Party Draw Service” on the evening of May 15, 2012.

When I was 16 years old, my parents said I could have a new kitten.  We were in the process of moving into a new house and for the first time ever, I was going to be allowed to have an “inside” cat.  I watched the local access cable channel, which posted animals available for adoption from the local shelter, and a picture of the kitty above, looking just like she does today, popped up one day.  It was hard to tell from the picture exactly how big she was, though.  So I went down to visit the shelter and saw her.  She was about 8 weeks old and very petite for her age.  Unfortunately, I was not able to adopt her that day, because I was 16 years old, and I needed to be 18 to adopt.  So I went home, broken-hearted and told my parents about it.

Looking back, I probably bugged the ever-living daylights out of my parents about that cat, I wanted her so badly.  I remember driving up to the shelter with my mom a couple of days after my first visit, and coming out of the shelter driveway, coming toward us, was my Daddy’s truck.  My wonderful Daddy had gone to the shelter to adopt the kitty for me!

She was so little and very spastic.  She jumped a lot, trying to reach the ceiling fan cords, which were at least 8 feet above her.  I fell in love with her instantly.  I named her Cricket because of her jumping habit.

Cricket and I became best buds.  She was there when my first boyfriend moved away.  She was there when I had my first (and second, third, and fourth) psychotic episodes.  When first boyfriend and I broke up, my mom brought her up to my apartment the very next day to live with me.

Cricket and I have very similar personalities.  We both like our space!  She’s definitely not a lap cat, though she likes to have her fur brushed.  She doesn’t eat human food and never has, and she is content to be around you without crowding you.  She is my kind of cat!

Unfortunately, Cricket has proven time and again that she is a very anti-social cat.  She does not like other animals.  When Jared and I got married, Jared already had Murphy, so Cricket had to stay behind with my parents.  They’ve taken care of her for the last 7 years.

When I visited my parents a couple of days ago, I decided that it was time for Cricket to come live with us since Murphy is gone.  She is 16 years old now, and needed a check-up at the vet.  So I brought her home and got her to the doctor yesterday.

Because of some matted fur, she had to be sedated to be groomed.  Being the anti-social cat that she is, the other animals at the vet completely freaked her out.  She was very, very angry with all of us…me first, because she had to go into her crate to get in the car.  Then I was told that she was very, very angry with the vet, so much so that they had to give her extra sedation to get her to calm down.  As such, she was still asleep when I got to take her home last night.

She gave me a scare because she didn’t wake up until nearly 3 this morning.  Since then, she’s been very, very woozy, stumbling around.  I’ve kept a constant eye on her to make sure she didn’t hurt herself.  Finally, at noon today, she ate her entire bowl of food and drank a good bit of water.  I haven’t been that relieved in a long, long time!  She’s settled down now into her  little bed.

The boys know that Cricket is very old and so we need to be very, very patient and gentle and quiet around her.  I am just beyond pleased that my very first baby is home with me.