Notice: Three Weeks

Caroline Faith, Home Sweet Home 2 Comments

This is a public notice to myself:  I’m giving myself three weeks to get my house in presentable shape.

This living space is regularly a disaster zone.  Stuff everywhere.  If I do this methodically in a slow and steady manner, this won’t be that hard.  It’s a time-consuming project, for sure.  I don’t even want to take “before” photos because the state of the place is that embarrassing to me.

In three weeks, though, I intend to be able to publish photos of this awesome house we call a home, and be proud of the place.  It’s time to tame the mess, for real.

Better get started.

Oliver 6 months small

Surprise, Postpartum Depression

Caroline Expressive, Faith, Family Life, stream-of-consciousness Leave a Comment

Not that it’s really a surprise, because it isn’t a surprise at all, this postpartum depression, given my history of depression. This beautiful six month old sweetheart is just that: a sweetheart. His presence has changed our family life for the better and he has helped renew my faith in humanity and God. I am so so so happy and so blessed that he is here.

But my silly mind has sunk into a depression unlike any I’ve experienced in a really, really long time. Thankfully, we caught it early and I brought the issue to my psychiatrist, so I’ve got the appropriate treatment underway. I already feel better knowing that I’ve gotten help.

Life is good, no doubt, just like I said in my last post. I have wonderful people in my life and good things are happening.  I am able to intellectually process those facts. But, my interest in the things I like to do and the things I really have got to do– my photography, even simple things like daily household chores– my interest in those things has waned significantly to the point that I zone out in front of the TV for much of the day, only doing what I must to take care of the baby.

I knew things were going south for a couple of weeks before I admitted it to my doctor and I probably let the depression go longer than I should have let it progress. My inner self-talk has been telling me that I am worthless and that negative self-talk has gotten more and more persistent, to the point that I really have had a hard time countering that inner voice. That’s more the norm than anything else, but my self-esteem has been way, way worse than usual. Sleep has been broken and restless for weeks. Panic attacks have been a daily issue for much of the last week, in particular, along with feelings of helplessness. Things haven’t been this bad depression-wise, really, since 2011, probably.

For now, I just have to remember to take things a day at the time. I will make a schedule and stick to it. I will ignore those thoughts of self-worthlessness and counter them with things that make me happy: getting out the memory books and photo albums to remember favorite times in my life, taking new photos and yes, even working on housework as a distraction. That’s what it’s all about for now, distracting myself from the low self-esteem until those thoughts are negligible.

Postpartum depression is no joke and I know it’s not a sign of weakness, either. I’m thankful that I know myself enough to know when things are not right, I’m really thankful for my supportive husband, and I’m so glad that I’ve got experience with an antidepressant that works for me.

I’m hoping to see the light in my life again soon.

35th Birthday Flowers

A Good Week Complete with Pretty Flowers and a Tooth

Caroline children, Expressive, Family Life, happy, Home Sweet Home, photography

It was a good week.  The flowers in the featured photo were from all my boys for my birthday, which was this week.  My uncle helped us tremendously by doing some very much-needed home maintenance.  We are getting back into the school-year routine, which means we all get more time out of the house with various activities.  And this weekend has been the anniversary of our first date marathon (it was 3 days long), which led to us exchanging our first “I Love You’s” eleven years ago today.

And this little guy….

Oliver's First Tooth
This little guy is in the middle of getting his first tooth, which made its appearance on Friday.  He’s fairly good-humored, if totally drooling all the time.

Life is good.

2014 Planner

Planners, Puppy Dogs, and Walking

Caroline Expressive, Family Life, Home Sweet Home

The battle to get organized is on….I have a monster master planner now.

When Jared and I were newlyweds, a local family was incredibly kind to us and I remember marveling how the mom of the family had it all “together” all the time. And I remember she had a moderately large binder she used to keep up with everything for the family. It wasn’t fancy and was homemade, rather than a commercial planner. I was just amazed that she could keep up with everything with her household of six people.

I tried to do this a couple of years ago, but I really was just too scattered to handle it at the time.  This go-round, the binder contains the following:

–Daily Planners
–Meal Planner and Ideas
–Blog Items
— Photo Items
–Kids’ Activities

Each section has several sub-sections….the calendar contains a gift-planning section, the meal section has room for brief recipes, the daily pages contain a section for a shopping list…it took a full day and a half to get the thing put together and then I ended up having to purchase an actual binder instead of re-using an old one as planned because I needed a full 2-inch binder rather than re-using the 1-inch binder I already had on hand. Luckily, that was the only real investment, and it was far cheaper than a commercial planner.

So far, so good.  I just never find any commercial planners that contain everything I need to keep up with my family’s stuff, along with my own needs. I’m sold on the make-your-own planner method.

So that’s it on the domestic front.  Besides this clown:

This girlie is just our little manipulative clown. That having been said, she is an excellent guard dog….she lets us know whenever she hears the slightest noise. At 3 am, that’s not the most welcome thing in the world. Last night was a short night thanks to Abby alerts over, well, nothing at all.

A health update…there is definitely a correlation between my moods and my blood pressure, but I think I may have mentioned that correlation before. My cardiologist wants me walking a full hour a day. AN. HOUR. A. DAY. I haven’t been that active in years, but I intend to follow through with it. I managed thirty minutes of stair-stepping yesterday morning and that gave me a good idea of how much work I have ahead of me to get back in shape. I’ll admit though…the endorphins from the exertion did set in and it reminded me what I love about exercising. I’m hoping that’s the ticket to getting rid of the rest of the weight I need to lose.

That’s all I have for now.